Have you ever really thought of the questions that you should ask yourself before jumping into a relationship?
Most people now a days get in to the first exciting relationship they see. Basically acting on the motto, "live now, worry about the consequences later". That sounds exciting, especially when you might be stuck with someone you truly don't know during a global pandemic.
How bad could it be? Well, I am here to shed some light and give you a few questions to really ask yourself, before making any long term commitments.
“YOLO does not really apply here, especially when it comes down to settling with someone for the future.”
1. What do I want at this point in my life?
This may seem like an obvious question, but many people don't really ask themselves this until they are deep into the relationship or when something goes wrong. This question allows you to define your goal at the particular moment. When you define your goal, it helps you create more clarity in your love life and also allows you to compare with the person you are considering being in a relationship with. This might seem simple, but don't overlook the power of setting goals especially in your relationship. This question alone will help you avoid potential issues in the future.
2. Do I like actually like them, or am I just filling a void?
In a world full of social media and constant communication, we have never felt more alone. What's even more terrifying is the fact that we would put ourselves in something detrimental to our health just to avoid feeling lonely. Before settling for a relationship that you might not want, ask yourself if being alone now is more painful than enduring something that doesn't line up with your needs. Relationships should be formed from a place of harmony and acceptance instead of insecurity and guilt. Don't throw yourself in a well, the climb back up can be a lot harder than you think.
"I have put myself in so many of these positions where I just jumped into a relationship because I was too afraid to be alone. The damage that came from it was worse than the idea of actually being alone, and I not only hurt myself but the other person involved as well."
3. Is this my choice, or am I being influenced by external factors.
Let's be honest, are you dating them or are your friends and family dating them? How many times have you felt pressured to be with someone because your family and friends thought that they were "perfect" for you? How many times were you miserable because you couldn't disagree more but decided to stick it out so you wouldn't disappoint them. This is definitely one of the more tough obstacles to get over only because most people's family and friend's approval means the world to them. What we end up doing is being the person that we think will make them happy and eventually hurts us in the end. The reason why this is emotionally painful is the fact that sometimes their opinions compromise our values and what we look for. So let me ask you this one more time, "who is dating them, you or your family and friends?". Your family and friends might think they know what's "best" for you, but only you know what truly will make you happy. Don't sacrifice your happiness for the sake of others, no matter who they are.
4. Can I see this person helping me become the best version of myself?
In my opinion, the whole point of life is to actively try to be better than the person you were yesterday. This applies in relationships as well. If you're not actively changing, then you're not growing. Do you want a partner that is constantly playing it safe and is afraid to really step out of their comfort zone. Think about it, the only constant in this world is change, so if you're not changing then what are you really doing? Before committing to someone, ask yourself if they can add value into your life in terms of growth? Can you learn from each other, can you push each other, these are questions that really take your relationship to the next level. You want to be with someone that allows you to flourish and become the best version of yourself. You also need to be the person to add value into their life as well, it can't be a one way road. A relationships is a selfless union with moments of selfishness to maintain individuality. You're in this journey together, find out if your partner is willing to put in the work to see you halfway.
"They say, show me the 5 people you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are? This couldn't be anymore true."
5. Do they bring more positivity into my life than stress.
Last but not least, do they make you happy? That's the most important thing. Do I smile, when I get a text from them? Has having that person in your life made it better? These are such important factors to consider since you spend so much time with that individual. Do you want someone that is constantly gossiping and adding stress in your life, or do you want someone who is always finding ways to make you smile? I personally would rather hear a good joke than some details about someone's drama, but that's just me. Find people that want to be in your life as much as you want to be in theirs. The more genuine and authentic the relationship is the more positivity you can expect from it. So really take the time to get to know someone for who they truly are, get to know their spirit and not just what you see on the outside.
If you are still in the process of looking for your next relationship, check out our blog article on the best dating apps. We break down what apps might be the best fit for you!
These are some of the most important questions you can ask yourself before jumping into a relationship! If you found this helpful please comment below with your thoughts and possibly objections. I would love to hear some of your questions that you ask yourself before getting into a relationship.